I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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