Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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