this just has baby written all over it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
