I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
