i just had sex bonerless
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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