i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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