it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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