im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
