you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
