Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
