I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
