It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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