He asked to "fluff my boner.."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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