so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
