Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
