Your face is a jimmy john
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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