Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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