sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
