well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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