Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
