I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
