I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she told me i tasted like america
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
