this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
