its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
