You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
