Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
