She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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