Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
