Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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