I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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