i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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