R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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