I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
