Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
