Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
