You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
