woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
