I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your cock deserves a montage
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
