she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
