we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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