I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
