hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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