awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
