I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
