his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
