Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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