Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
