hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
