I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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