Nicole vs. Life
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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