Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
