I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
