umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
