I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
