Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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