My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
