So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize