I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
