her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
