: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
