She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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