matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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