I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
