Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Randomize